


Acts of Remembering

by silasfinch



Series: Acts of Faith [9]
Category: Saving Hope
Genre: F/F, Family Fluff, Gen, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 13:12:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12818268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: A return to my favourite universe and Syd's head.Anniversaries through the years





	Acts of Remembering

**Author's Note:**

> This one is for ANette: who took the time to give such detailed feedback - I am just enough of a geek - I may write that essay one day.

 

**Acts of Remembering**

 

_No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories.”_

_― Haruki Murakami_

 

**Year One**

 

 

You spend your first anniversary in a fit of jealousy.

 

You are well aware that jealousy and possessiveness rank at the top of your character flaw list, or at least your secular list. The entire Katz clan has no trouble listing dozens of moral failings, in more than one language.

 

A man has just asked you if your wife is seeing anyone, more specifically a gorgeous and brilliant doctor who shares Maggie's musical taste and cultural history is the one who begs the question.

 

Apparently, her marital status has not come into consideration of the four weeks of their acquaintance nor was wearing her wedding ring.

 

It couldn't have been dropped in between updates on his sister's pregnancy and reminiscing about Chinese parents and 80s pop bands.

 

 

You know you aren't entirely fair, surgeons can't wear jewelry in theatre. Maggie often wears hers on a chain, now that she does more fetal surgeries.

 

Except for today, you found it neatly coiled on its chain by the bedside.

 

"Hey sweetheart, I thought we were meeting after work, did you decide to take that nap after all?" the question floats through the house.

 

Maggie's voice is cheerful and light at odds with an elaborate affair, but it still jars you from your contemplation of the offending ring.

You don't look up as she comes into the bedroom, shedding her scrubs absently.

 

"Eric Chang asked me a question today," you say quietly.

 

"mmmm," Maggie asks distracted by unwinding her hair and complaining about the quality of the residents this year.

 

"He wanted to know if you were seeing anybody and how I rated his chances since we are such great friends." you elaborate with a forced chuckle.

 

"I do hope Baby Chang does not inherit Uncle Eric's observational skills. Did he think we came into the hospital together to reduce our carbon footprint?" Maggie seems genuinely amused by the concept.

 

"I rather thought you would have told him."

 

Maggie stops laughing, finally realizing that you are taking this seriously, she comes into the room her face creased with concern when she spies the chain in your hands.

 

She is always good at following your train of thought.

 

"The chain broke Syd; I didn't want to risk it slipping out, so I left it here, nothing more than that. As for Eric, he is the only family member in London - we were laying the foundations for the baby's care and joking about our crazy grandmother's nothing more."

 

At least she is doing you the courtesy of taking the situation seriously, in fact, Maggie is crouched down beside you and gently untangling your hands from the chain. Her voice is soothing and gentle.

 

"Think about it, Syd. I spent the best part of 3 years waiting for you and convincing you to stay with me. I would be pretty foolish to risk that over attentions over somebody I just met and happened to speak the same dialogue with" the logic is undeniable, but the doubt still lingers in both your face and manner.

 

"He is very handsome, and he seems like the kind of man who would suit you in a lot of ways. He and Declan could be best friends."

 

"and the new assistant Rabbi is practically a Jewish Lesbian dream incarnate" Maggie counters.

 

"Rachael?" Sydney says blankly recalling the friendly woman who worshipped with them each week.

 

"You didn't register, did you? She is completely struck by you, not that I blame her"

 

"Really? I didn't notice."

 

"Just like I didn't notice that Eric was reading more into our conversation. Correlation does not imply causation, Syd. Please try and talk to me before going on your logic leaps."

 

Maggie kisses you on the forehead and drags you to your feet.

 

"Come let's go to dinner - this is partially the fault of Yom Kippur anyway."

 

"How do you figure that?"

 

"You don't have the constitution or temperament for fasting, mandated as it may be in the Katz family. It makes your thinking go haywire.in"

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Year Five**

 

_Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." -- Anatole France_

 

You spend your fifth anniversary choosing between heartaches.

 

Maggie believes that the boys are old enough to assume a rudimentary understanding and partial responsibility for the adoption of several shelter animals. In principle, you agree with her reasoning. However, its also entirely possible Maggie just ran out of patience and the secondary gratification of donating every month.

 

The stories on the shelter website are enough to move you to tears, and you immediately match Maggie's donation.

 

You are not foolish enough to let your tender-hearted wife wonder the rows of cages, looking into trusting eyes. The adoption coordinator mails you a checklist of requirements and personalities. The Katz- Lin Household will not be acquiring the sickest most abused animal Maggie can find, you are emphatic on this point and reinforce this with the staff.

 

There is going to be a selection of two dogs in pairs on successive days.

 

Asher and Gideon are trembling with excitement, but they obey your instructions carefully, both more inclined to be naturally serious in any event.

 

Dog One: Hermione is a Husky Mix with an even temperament who has been around children. She is about 18 months old and will grow up with the children.

 

Dog Two: Axel is a Labrador-Poodle mix brought when the breed waatthe height of popularity. He is also very child-friendly and gentle by nature.

 

Predictably Maggie is in love in seconds, and the twins aren't far behind her, you are left to sign the paperwork and consent to the home search and follow up with the trainer in two weeks.

 

The newest members of the family have selected a twin on the way home. Maggie is all but dancing down the rows of pet supplies as she snaps photos to load to social media.

 

You are going to be similar pet parts as you are human parents evidently.

 

 

 

**Year Ten**

 

_"Exile is strangely compelling to think about but terrible to experience. It is the unhealable rift forced between a human being and a native place, between the self and its true home: its essential sadness can never be surmounted. And while it is true that literature and history contain heroic, romantic, glorious, even triumphant episodes in an exile’s life, there are no more than efforts meant to overcome the crippling sorrow of estrangement" Edward Sands_ \- On Exile

. 

 

You spend your tenth anniversary being embraced by your mother both literally and figuratively.

 

Your parents are not here to celebrate Maggie’s birthday, that would be too much to expect, but it is a happy coincidence.

 

You have forgotten (and forgiven) many aspects of your childhood and adolescence. The pain of the community's rejection paling in the illumination of your time with Maggie and the children. It is difficult to suppress the faint hope of reuniting with your mother. For many years she was your closest companion and guide in the faith.

 

The connection didn't decay in the intervening fifteen years, only fray and stretch as much as you feared, short of the small mercy of not being subject to a Shiva.

 

Monthly phone calls and birthday cards are about the extent of their contribution. They acknowledge Asher and Gideon but still have trouble recognizing the makeup of their family.

 

They do not visit, until now.

 

You mother still feels as familiar, if not more fail and shrunken, the smell is always the same, a mixture of perfume and herbs.

 

Maggie and the twins hang back respectfully. Asher and Gideon have a close relationship with Rosemary and her new husband, but they barely know Syd's parents.

 

You struggle not to cry when your mother embraces Maggie and wishes her happy birthday, presenting her with a gift and greetings from Rebbeca. There is not a hint of stiffness in her tone or actions; you experience her body language in wonder.

 

Your father is surprised when the boys observe all the Jewish rituals correctly and recite the Jewish words flawlessly. He gives them nods of approval as if he expects them to speak a foreign language or to float on rainbows.

 

They are more boring than either her parents allow for.

 

 

 

**Year Fifteen**

 

_Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love._

_George Eliot_

 

You spend your fifteenth anniversary adjusting to a new routine at home.

 

In theory, it should be hardest for you, seeing as you tend to embody many characteristics of a Jewish mother. To the outside world, Maggie is the Zen-like parent who does not fret and lets the kid have a freer reign when deciding bedtime and dietary intake (she is a master of Kosher deserts by now).

 

In practice, however, you are better at adjusting to the silence in your house, having spent your early adulthood changing to separations. The twins leaving to study Medicine in Israel (fortunately not with any illusions of joining the Isreali Army or Mossad, they are proud of their heritage but not that much). The parting is hard but is not the soul rendering loss of rejection.

 

It still amuses Alex that you and Maggie produced two doctors in training when she and Charlie are contending with an artist and a physicist with varying degrees of motivation.

 

"Did you order those two out of Jewish Children Monthly?" she likes to joke when they swap parenting stories.

 

Gideon and Asher check in every Friday like clockwork, like the kind Jewish sons that they are, mainly to check the answers to their first-year chemistry homework. Still, it is something.

 

Maggie is sulking and is stubbornly refusing all efforts to cheer her up.

 

"You aren't upset enough" she accuses, weariness more than spite in her voice, but she does obligingly melt into your arms for her 10th hug of the day.

 

"We'll take it in shifts; I don't think Alonzo could bear to see both of us in mourning at the same time." Sydney hedges with a grin indicating their dog who is sitting at the end of the bed looking anxious.

 

"Why did they both have to be so advanced? We could have had two more years with them."

 

This anomaly is a real sticking point for a while; they were the first in their friend group to be making such an adjustment.

 

"Curse of the family tradition and being raised by ‘two of the biggest medical geeks in the world’ according to Alex."

 

"Why couldn't we move to Israel again? Tel Aviv University will have you back in a heartbeat" her dark eyes are already making calculations.

 

"Because I worked too hard to be considered emotionally well adjusted to start stalking my adult children now."

 

 

It's going to take some time, but Maggie will get use to the idea. You plan on making this as easy as possible, right down to the trip to Canada later in the month. Between them Alex, Dec and Rosemary will be able to get a smile on her face.

 

For now, you just hold her, as she has done for you on some many different occasions.

 

 

**Year Twenty**

 

_"Grandchildren give us a second chance to do things better because they bring out the best in us_ "

 

You spend your twentieth anniversary welcoming your first grandchild.

 

You don't strictly recall being this nervous at the birth of the twins, per se but at that, even you were in the room able to observe and monitor for any serious irregularities.

 

Belinda's midwife merely eyes you both wearily before leaving the family room without giving any useful medical information away. "Everything is going well" is not an acceptable answer on multiple levels, being on this side of the action still isn't any easier.

 

You consider putting a scenario like this in your student's next 'medical communication' exam.

 

Neither of you is calm on this occasion, but you manage to hide it well. You didn't spend 30 years in one of the most emotionally demanding fields in medicine without developing a good set of coping skills.

 

Gideon's daughter is the first grandchild on both sides of the family, so there is much excitement and anxiety to contend with, you and Maggie split the role evenly.

 

You are in charge of updating the family and friends on all corners of the globe and keeping the food supplies fresh.

 

Maggie, always the more thoughtful one, is in charge of calming Belinda's mother calm as she rattled off questions from Google.

 

The labour proceeds on schedule, but you still tick away the minutes between updates obsessively.

 

Margo Katz- Lin enters the world with little fanfare at 1 am, weighing a healthy 7 pounds and meeting all the milestones. You and Maggie sneakily trade glances at her medical notes when you are left alone in the room.

 

Everybody else has gone home or napping in the other room; doctors can survive on far less sleep.

 

"Not bad" Maggie whispers approvingly pointing out different marks on the graph.

 

"Positively excellent" you agree as you try to decipher the hastily written chart at the end of the bed.

 

"Don't worry I did the same thing" Gideon whispers as he reenters the suit, carrying a cup of coffee for each of them."

 

"You would not be our son if you didn't."

 

 

**Year Twenty Five**

 

_What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life — to_ strength _each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting? — George Eliot_

 

You spend your Twenty-Fifth Anniversary marrying your wife again.

 

One of your favourite things about having a more secular marriage is the excuse to do one of your most cherished activities, in public no less; showing Maggie how much she means to you.

 

Your wife thinks the idea is overly ostentatious, especially when you insist on flying everyone to the venue outside of Rome, including a dizzying number of friends and relations, the accommodation is high end as well.

 

"You do realize that I have a loved you for over 30 years right? I said yes the first time while hallucinating from influenza; you could have sprung for pizza and not actual Rome" Maggie shakes her head as you lay out your plans.

 

"It's not really about getting you to say yes, I was confident of that; it's about showing you how much I love you in front of all our family."

You disagree gently. Maggie brushes out your hair; a task made more difficult by her slight arthritis, genetics more than a technical problem.

 

" You do show me that you love me Syd, every single day. I don't need a grand gesture to signify this just because it's our 25th anniversary."

 

"Please let me do this for you" you plead

. 

Maggie eventually agrees in large part due to you promising that they will spend the final two weeks in Italy entirely alone with nothing to distract them.

 

Their sons and daughters in laws are almost as excited as you are. Two of the twins most robust criteria for future partner's is embracing their family and mixed-faith background, Belinda and Anne fit the bill and then some.

 

Your family has expanded in 25 years, but it remains the same at a fundamental level. Rosemary is gone, but Francine comes with a sad but genuine smile. Declan is herding his grandchildren now between 3 amicable ex-wives. Jacob represents his father and the Synagogue and eagerly mixes with Syd's family before conducting the official ceremony.

 

The location is perfect, just what the travel agent promised, he is too genuine to be only in it for the commission. The views are spectacular, and the area is remote enough not to attract too many other visitors. The weather is perfect, and your simple flowing dresses are the right choice.

 

The Hope Zion Family descend on the on the resort in force. Of course, they have all moved on with their lives and are not a Hope Zion family anymore, but it more reflects a time in their lives than a fact. Alex and Charlie are still together and their honorary niece and nephew join the ranks of the younger generation. Billy takes control of the music attempting to woo his girlfriend.

 

You insist that you write your vows instead of repeating the Jewish verses, Maggie is surprised but does not argue the point, taking to the task with delight.

 

"Maggie you have and always will be my steadfast companion. You embraced all aspects of my life even better than I did. You gave me our two great sons and their families. You have made all my greatest dreams come true to a degree I thought impossible Somehow you make a better Passover feast than I do"

You resolve not to cry for the remainder of the day but nobody begrudges you.

 

 

“Sydney, you have and always will be my steadfast companion. You embraced all aspects of my life even better than I did. You helped me raise two sons. You have made all my greatest dreams come true to a degree I thought impossible...."

 

You listen to the rest of her words, laughing as she hands you a handkerchief in preparation.

 

Gideon and Asher steel the show next....

 

"To the people, we are lucky enough to call our parents"

 

To your surprise the your parents amongst those clapping loudest when the boys give their speech, thank you both as role models and as parents. The strains of your life, old and new come together in a beautiful tapestry of three languages and continents.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
